I haven’t written consistently for quite a while. I’ve been going through another soul growth spurt.
On Christmas Day 2021, following a visit with his parents, I discovered my fiancé had no intention of marrying me - again. The irony was thick, considering the first time he proposed to me was Christmas Day 2015.
It’s a complicated subject, and he would dispute my interpretation of his decision not to tell his parents that we were engaged. Still, because of our ten-year history of back-and-forths, I wasn’t willing to entertain defenses. I wasn’t the same person who I was five years prior. I knew what I wanted and deserved and would rather be alone than settle for less.
That’s how I began the year 2022.
Following this heartbreak, I went within to acknowledge and validate the emotions bubbling to the surface so I could work through them and heal and release them. It reopened wounds from past breakups with this man because there were several. I’ve talked about this spiral of healing in previous writings. We are constantly evolving, and each experience offers an opportunity to see something from a new consciousness, whether with the same person or someone new. There are always new discoveries to make. That’s part of the adventure.
Saying yes to this marriage proposal was a bit of an experiment. In the five years since the previous proposal, I dedicated myself to my healing journey. I felt like a completely different person, stronger and more self-assured. When we commit to our own healing, it raises our vibration, and because energy is contagious, it changes how others relate to us. Would my healing affect our relationship? I was curious.
The answer was yes; my new energy influenced our partnership. It shifted the energetic dynamics in a way that wasn’t comfortable for him. I had changed, and he had not, and we were no longer aligned. So I honored his path and mine by walking away.
I took a massive risk by stepping into a relationship with him again. Although it appeared to be a failure (emotionally and financially), it was actually a success for my evolution. I learned so much about myself and the mechanics of energy. I observed the contrast between how I would have responded in the past and how I responded now. His actions no longer triggered fear and feelings of unworthiness in me. Instead, I felt empowered in a way I had never experienced before. It allowed me to practice fierce self-love by asserting my needs calmly and without guilt. This was huge for me because, in the past, I cared more about the other person’s feelings than my own. This resulted in me sacrificing myself again and again. No more. I witnessed myself being my own protector, and it was so satisfying.
This experience allowed me to observe how far I've come in a way that I wouldn’t have been able to if I hadn’t taken the leap of faith and said yes to his proposal. Did the outcome spin me out? Hell yes. Did old feelings of victimization arise? Absolutely. As the old feelings bubbled up like ghosts from my past, I had another opportunity to work through the emotions and release them. It’s now a habit for me to observe my feelings and listen to them as if they were characters in my life movie that want some screen time.
Experiencing a broken heart can be one of our most challenging experiences. It is a perfectly normal response to close off our hearts to protect ourselves from experiencing it again. But as we shield our hearts from pain, we also shield our hearts from love. What is the purpose of life without love? Our very essence is love. When we attempt to deny it, we reject the core of who we are. We are no longer living but sleepwalking through life.
We can’t have heartbreak without first feeling the high of being in love, and, let’s be honest; there’s nothing like it! Pleasure and pain are all parts of our human experience. It’s why our souls incarnated in the first place. Our souls want to experience all aspects of life, whether we label them good or bad.
The point of our experiences isn’t to shut ourselves down to avoid painful consequences. It’s to summon the courage to take the leap of faith despite them. Why assign safety as a core value when safety is an illusion? Heartbreak offers us incredible opportunities to learn and grow. Heartbreak isn’t a bad thing; it’s a good thing. Unfortunately, we just have not been given the tools we need to heal. I’ve spent my adult life experiencing and recovering from heartbreak, so I can share what I’ve learned with others. Once we have the tools and commit to using them, we’re empowered to say yes to the opportunities for love.
Love is why we’re here, and it’s never a mistake to take a chance on love, no matter the outcome. We will die knowing that we lived fully, without fear or regret. When we make love our core value, our life transforms, and we transform the world.