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This is the third blog in a series about the Dark Night. In this blog, I’d like to offer some strategies on how to get through the Dark Night and into the light based on my personal experience.

Since the purpose of a Dark Night is to break down limiting and outdated structures and belief systems, we need to know what these structures and belief systems are and then we need to decide what beliefs we’d like to replace them with. This requires extensive review of the belief structures that got us this far and begins with in-depth questioning of everything.

The process that I'm going to share below is something that helped me but may not be right for you. Every Dark Night is unique and extremely personal. Please keep this in mind as you are reading. This process worked for me because it challenged me to SEE what I couldn’t see before. It was like an earthquake that shook me up and cracked part of the armor that hid the true me. I had to see what was underneath so I could release everything that was covering the treasure within. As I uncovered more and more of my true self, I felt free to shine my light in the world. Right now, we need all the light we can get! So, while the process below may seem daunting, I promise, it is worth it. It is the process of allowing yourself to live true to your soul and with love, peace, ease, and joy.

The Dark Night Empowerment Process

Let’s be honest...if someone said, “hey, do you want to go through a Dark Night and learn some awesome lessons,” you would say, “hell no,” and run the opposite direction. No one would choose to go through something as intense and life-shattering as a Dark Night. But it is part of being human and we will all have to go through it at one time or another.

As difficult as it can be, we don’t have to feel powerless or out of control. We actually can be a very active participant in the process and what I’m about to share with you is one way we can do that. It’s what I did for the two years I was unemployed. When I read back through my journal entries from that time period, I am astounded at what I uncovered about myself and the beliefs that had been steering my life up until that point. I have never felt so empowered, confident, strong, and self-assured in my life, all because I went through what I perceived at the time as a catastrophic failure.

Below is how I found my way through the dark night and into the light.


The best place to start this is to become aware of what you are feeling. I highly recommend doing this with a journal. As soon as you are feeling disappointed, sad, angry, frustrated, resentful, etc., grab your journal and ask yourself to describe what you are feeling and why. Get all of your feelings and thoughts out without any judgment. This is a necessary therapeutic purge that will help move the stuck energy.

After you have purged all of your thoughts and feelings into your journal, take a step back and re-evaluate. You may have to take a day or two away from it or maybe you’ll want to do it immediately. Listen to your intuition as to what is best for you.

When you are ready, take a look at what you wrote previously. Feelings are usually attached to beliefs and expectations around those beliefs. When life events don’t live up to our expectations, it can be extremely difficult for our egos to cope because it threatens the identity that we have established for ourselves. This is a great place to begin this exploration.

I’ll give you an example from my own life. When I was going through my Dark Night (which, at the time, I didn’t know I was going through), I couldn’t find a job and my money was running out. The fear of going broke and not being able to take care of my daughter and I was overwhelming. To make matters worse, I chose to quit my stable job that paid well with good benefits, so I couldn’t blame it on anything or anyone but myself. I told myself that it was fear-based to stay in a job that didn’t make me happy and I should just take the leap of faith and try to get another job that was more fulfilling. Unfortunately, that’s not how things turned out.

There were so many levels of disillusion that appeared for me. So many beliefs that I had to review and reevaluate. Below is an example of the conversation I would have with myself in my journal to get to the bottom of the issue. Most of these are open-ended questions that require more than a yes and no answer.

  • What does it say about you if you can’t get a job? Answer: that I’m not worthy or good enough.

  • Where did the belief come from that if you don’t have a job you’re not good enough? Answer: There was one time my first year of college when I couldn’t find a job. It was a small town and a big college. There just weren’t any jobs available. I was going to school out-of-state, and because I didn’t have any money, I couldn’t get home for spring break. The dorms closed and I didn’t have anywhere to go. I was faced with sleeping in my car in the dead of winter until, at the last minute, a friend said I could go home with him. It was terrifying. The story my mind told me was that I was going to freeze to death in my car because I couldn’t find a job. That one experience resulted in so many negative beliefs about myself that impacted my life going forward.

  • So how true is it that you’re not good enough or worthy enough if you can’t find a job? Answer: It’s not! It’s a function of the economic climate and doesn’t say anything about my abilities or worthiness. I have so many references from people who thought I did a great job and I believe I’m a good worker.

  • How willing are you to let go of that belief? Answer: Very willing!

  • How possible is it that there might be another reason that you’re not getting a job? Answer: It’s possible. I know that there is always more going on than I have the ability to see.

  • Do you have enough money to pay for your needs right now? Answer: Yes

  • Then you’re worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet? Answer: Yes

  • What lessons might you be learning from this situation? Answer: To recognize that I am inherently worthy and good enough despite fluctuating outer conditions, no matter what has happened in the past.

  • How will letting go of this old, harmful belief help you moving forward? Answer: Life has a way of challenging me sometimes and my tendency is to internalize it and beat myself up because I feel like if I were worthy, things would work out better. I feel like something must be wrong with me. This is an opportunity to recognize that sometimes shit happens but it has nothing to do with my worthiness. There’s always something more to learn. The most important thing is that I believe in myself because then external conditions won’t send me into a tail spin.

As you can see, it’s quite a process to question in this way, and it can be emotional. You want to make sure that you are letting all of the emotions flow as you go through this process. This is an essential part of healing these core wounds that subconsciously are influencing your life.

Release Once you have gone through this review process and have identified the detrimental unconscious beliefs, you’re ready to start the process of releasing them.

One of the first things that you might notice after going through the process above is resistance. You have likely had these beliefs for years, maybe even since you were very young, and your ego may not want to let go. It sounds strange, but your ego may even find comfort in those beliefs. Perhaps your ego feels that those beliefs keep you safe in a twisted way. If you feel you’re unworthy or not good enough, it might keep you from putting yourself out there or taking risks, which keeps you “safe.” If you do take a risk, it may even self-sabotage you in order to validate the negative belief, “see? I told you it wouldn’t work out. Maybe you should listen to me next time. You’re never going to succeed at this.”

This resistance is natural but something that must be overcome in order to release the negative belief and move forward in a new, positive way. Again, I use journaling to work through the resistance. I will use questions such as the those above, except I will address the questions to my ego or my inner child, whom I call “Little Lara.” It is a very human part of us that asks for acknowledgment and respect in the way your own child would; however, shouldn’t be allowed to call the shots.

This can be a lengthy process and one that has to be repeated over and over. As you journal in this manner, you will likely unearth more past experiences that developed detrimental, limiting beliefs, and will require more conscious releasing. Be very gentle and loving with your conscious self and with your ego/inner child throughout this process. What you’re doing is an act of honor, love, and healing for many energetic layers of your being.

Forgiveness is also a necessary part of this process because, often, our ego finds someone to blame for the negative experience that resulted in the detrimental belief. This is a very challenging part of the process and requires more space than this blog can provide. I will offer this thought, however. We are spirits living this human lifetime. Our souls chose to come here to have certain experiences and to learn and grow. We may not consciously understand that and if we’ve had particularly challenging life experiences, it may be difficult to believe. That’s okay. We can play a “what if” game. What if that was the case? What if you did choose your parents, friends, partners? What do you think your soul would want to learn from that experience? Would you be able to forgive the people who hurt you if you believed that you all planned it together before you were born? Would you be able to extend compassion to others if you understand that they, too, came here to learn lessons? These are extremely difficult concepts, but worth your consideration.


As you release the negative beliefs, they must be replaced by new beliefs that will benefit you as you move forward. What is your intention for your life? What are beliefs that will help you realize that intention? What beliefs will empower and nourish you? These must be clear in your mind so that as the habitual negative beliefs appear in your mind (and they will), you can consciously choose to replace them with the new beliefs. You are reprogramming your mind to think differently and this takes persistence and consistency. If you fall back into the old thought forms, it’s just one more opportunity to go through the process above. Healing happens in a spiral. Each time it presents itself you can release a little more and heal a little more. You learn a little more about yourself. You gain a little more courage to look at the hard things that you used to avoid. You gain a little more strength to overcome the past. As you release the victimhood of the past, you feel empowered to create a happier, more fulfilling life for yourself.


This is but a taste of the Dark Night Empowerment Process and I look forward to sharing more with you through a book and masterclass. I want to reiterate that this can be a very intense process and may require therapeutic help or coaching to help you navigate your way through. Please honor your intuition and reach out for help, if needed.

This is a sacred process of transformation and no matter how difficult, it will be worth it. You are greatly loved.



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