"Be more sperm, less egg." I first heard this ingenious phrase from one of my favorite authors, Lissa Rankin, and she attributes the saying to Dr. Christiane Northrup. In Lissa’s book, The Anatomy of a Calling, she recalls Christiane telling her,
“Lissa is brilliant at doing, but she needs to learn how to receive. Lissa needs to be less sperm, more egg. To be ‘eggy’ is to set goals but release attachment to outcomes, to surrender to what wants to happen rather than pushing for what you’re trying to make happen, to put your desires out there without doing anything to bring them into being, to simply trust that when you move in the direction of joy, ease, peace, harmony, love, and the highest good for all beings, the Universe, like an army of sperm, falls over itself trying to bring your desires into form.”
I grew up thinking that hard work, striving, determination, and sheer will is the way to get what you want in life. The spermy-er you are, the more successful you are. You just don’t take no for an answer. You keep trying until you succeed. The thing is, it didn’t work very well for me. Instead of reaching my goal, I became exhausted, frustrated, and disappointed.
Then I discovered the movie, The Secret, and thought that the Law of Attraction was the missing piece to the puzzle. Armed with this “Secret” to manifestation, I was finally going to create the life that I wanted.
My interpretation of The Law of Attraction was that I needed to dream of what I wanted and then feel as if I already had it. I had a diligent practice of sitting in meditation, feeling the feeling of the things that I wanted. I even manifested some of it. My husband and I were separating and I had three months to find a job. I imagined international travel, living in a tropical location, and making $50,000/year. What I manifested was a job that involved travel in the Pacific Northwest (travel - check that box), $52,000/year (money - check that box), and living in…wait...WHAT?! Anchorage, Alaska?! That wasn't a tropical location! Something went terribly wrong here. NEVER had Alaska even entered my mind. I grew up in Minnesota and had been trying to get to a place where it was eternal summer, not eternal winter! *grooaaaannn*!!! How did this happen?! How could I manifest something that literally never came into my awareness? In fact, it was the opposite of what I had wanted!
My four years in Alaska turned out to be a gift in many different ways. Alaska, of course, has ethereal, stunning landscapes and a beauty that defies words. It was such an adventure! I was given the opportunity to travel around the state for work in a way that I never would have been able to otherwise. The mountain ranges, the glaciers, the wildlife. Visiting remote villages only accessible by air. Where else can you see Beluga whales swimming in the ocean on your lunch break?! What an incredible experience that I could have never had imagined in my wildest dreams. It turned out to be a gift, not a curse.
What I learned from this experience is that our minds are so limited. We just have no way of comprehending what is truly possible for us. When we create rigid goals and try control every minute detail of how we want our life to look, we close ourselves off to the possibilities that are presented to us. Instead of being excited and thankful for the opportunity to live in Alaska, I was disappointed. I didn't appreciate it because it "wasn't what I wanted." I was interpreting the experience based on my failure to get what I thought I wanted. Consequently, I spent 4 years in misery.
But this is what tends to happen - we exhaust ourselves trying to force something into being when, for whatever reason, it's just not meant to be in that moment. Perhaps there are other experiences to have in order to truly appreciate the ultimate goal. Perhaps there are other things at play that we have no way of knowing. Perhaps there are other magical things that we need to experience first.
Life is about the journey, not the destination.