Two years to the day after I quit my job, I finally received an offer of employment. Yes, I’m going back to the corporate construction world, to where this journey first began. I am returning "home." I have been given the gift to experience a situation from the past from my present level of hard-won higher consciousness.
In this blog, I’ve been writing about my journey after taking a Leap of Faith and I’ve authentically shared how arduous it has been at times. In the last two months, in particular, everything came to a head. I’ve used Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey as a map for my adventure, recognizing that what I was going through was typical for someone crossing the Threshold into the Unknown. And as I considered my location on the map, I knew that I had finally reached the climax – I was in the Last Ordeal.
I was no longer able to pay my rent. As I forked over my credit card number, choking all the way, I told the Universe that if the money didn’t come in next month, I was going to put in my 30-day notice and move out, although I had nowhere to go.
What I went through at this time was a death of sorts. I laid on the floor in front of my little alter scattered with crystals, a buddha, and a carving of Kuan Yin, and I cried and begged for help. I felt such pressure in my chest that I thought for sure I was going to explode. I was experiencing a feeling of combustion, for what was happening was that I was burning off the last bit of fear that needed to be overcome before being able to move forward. I was now in the deep throes of the Dark Night of the Soul, the Last Ordeal.
In this moment, I was being tested against everything that I had learned in the previous two years. How would I handle this epic moment of the disintegration of self? I breathed through it the way one does when giving birth. Every piece of my identity, every thought of who I was or how my life was “supposed” to be, disintegrated into thin air. I had no choice but to surrender.
I was face to face with my worst fear – a lack of security. I was going to be without a home. I had to analyze this thought with a barrage of stellar coaching questions:
Who was I if I didn’t have a home?
Why was that my worst fear?
Where did that fear come from?
What did it say about me if I didn’t have a home and how true was that?
Why did I believe that I would have nowhere to go?
What made me stop trusting that things would be okay and how true is that really?
As I examined this fear that made me feel like I was literally dying, I saw it for what it was – bunk. The light was now shining on the monster in the closet, this monster that had been haunting me subconsciously for as long as I could remember, and it wasn’t so scary anymore.
I’ve been through a lot in my life and I’ve always made it through. I’ve proved my strength. I’ve proved my courageousness. I’m an intelligent woman with a good heart. I know that I chose this journey of transformation and it was effective. Mission Accomplished: I AM TRANSFORMED.
And so the fear downgraded itself to worry, curiosity, and bemusement at my situation. This sure wasn’t how I thought things would go! I’ve likened to this transformational journey to taking a house down to its studs in order to rebuild. But, apparently, taking it down to the studs wasn’t quite enough for me. My project was now a greenfield. I was starting from a new piece of property all together, although I didn’t know where that property would be. I was completely in the dark.
I started working with a healer name Ariah Valesquez. Within 2 days after my first session, the dam broke. I signed two new clients and started getting responses from the millions of resumes I had been sending out. Coincidence? Perhaps, but not likely. This was the turning point for me.
It was one week before I had to be out of my home and I still did not know where I would lay my head. Then I received a gift. A friend’s client happened to be building a casita in his backyard, which he was planning on renting out. It wasn’t quite finished, but had a working bathroom and a fridge. He graciously allowed me to stay for a minimal amount. All of my belongings went into storage and I brought my mattress and a suitcase to the casita.
That same week, I signed on to do proposal contract work for my previous company and got an interview for a job in Costa Mesa. On July 31st, I received a very lucrative offer.
This chapter of life was officially at a close.
I don’t have the words to describe the relief and gratitude that washed through me.
Despite being elated for this new opportunity and for this very difficult chapter of my life coming to an end, there was an element of disappointment. It didn’t quite turn out the way I had anticipated. My new job would require a move to Orange County, my daughter wouldn’t be able to attend the school I was so excited about, and I would be leaving my soul-family.
But there is a valuable lesson found within this:
Always remain unattached to the outcome.
One of the biggest misconceptions in spiritual teachings has to do with manifesting. The Secret and other high-profile books taught us that if we FEEL as if something is real, it will manifest.
Don’t get me wrong…I believe that we are creators and can manifest the life that we want. But my experience has shown one very large caveat:
It will manifest if it’s a part of our Soul’s blueprint.
For example, back in 2009, right after I learned about The Secret, I attempted to manifest the perfect job. I manifested the perfect salary, but it was in the opposite location – Anchorage, Alaska instead of Honolulu, Hawaii. How did that happen? Alaska never even entered my consciousness. I had no desire to visit, let alone live there. But that’s where I ended up. It was part of my Soul’s blueprint. I was set to have those experiences and develop relationships that would become an integral part of my evolution.
I am now experiencing a similar situation. I wanted to stay in San Diego; however, it seems I have a Soul date with Orange County. What lies in store for me there? Only time will tell.
I’m still living in limbo, in the little casita with a mattress on the floor. But within a week, I will be breaking ground on my new life…built on the solid foundation of higher consciousness. On the Hero’s Journey map, I am now returning home to share my treasure with others.
Until the next Call to Adventure…